The Child Within...

It is like 1:00 a.m, I couldnt get any sleep although I am so tired and I have a long day tom.I felt like I have a bunch of negative thoughts that I had in mind I wanna get them out of me to be able to sleep in peace.It is like the child within fears the future, fears people, fears friends, fears EVEN his ownself. The child within suddenly ached hard that it needs to feel safe and settled for sometime.

It is like a ship moving with no definite direction, aimless, alittle hesitant, Going with the wind direction, it wanna keep the balance, stay on the top but the waves are so high so challenging.It actually calling for the captain of the ship, He might be there and he might not. He might be fed up and could no more give it a chance and he could be still waiting for the right time.However, I am dead sure that the Captain is behind....The ship will be saved and will be directed to the right destination. Sometimes things need some patience and some hope.

Little Nanis, Just calm down, everything is just fine sweety...I want you to sleep well, give it a wide smile on your face, Tom will be better than today, I feel it. whatever thoughts comes in mind just stop them gently and tell them thank you for sharing but it is not the right time and let them go. close your eyes hardly and attract safety and peace to your heart.

Take a deep breath get out all the negative energy and the pain of the day. Good night sweety, I love you!

(photoes reference: www.flickr.com)

Ana masry!

I would like to share with you a very special song that really touches me sang by Ehab Abdou, One of the young Egyptian leaders that really inspired me with his ideas about Egypt and his hope in the Egyptian Youth. He is the present President for "Nahdet el Mahrousa",(one of the most well-known NGOs in Egypt). I met Mr.Ehab in one of the sessions he presented in the IIE program, at the end of his session he sang this song which everybody really liked. The song is called "ana masry".This song sounds very special because it reminds me of two of my dreams. The first one is a better Egypt where everybody would feel himself as a FIRST citizen.The second dream that moslems and christians would feel really united not only by words and poems but for real inwhich everyone would really feel it.It is like I once dreamt to live in the previous century where everbody loves his country, respect it and appreciate it to an extent that they could die for it, to an extent they could sacrifice their life to give the coming generations a new life.Unfortunatly, most of the new generations dont understand those values.It hurts me so much when I was at school in the morning lines and nobody even cares to stop talking to respect the national anthem.It disapointed me so much when I opened one of the groups in face book and I found our youth insulting their country.It is very depressing to compare the sacrifice done from the previous generations and their expected outcome of THE YOUTH of TODAY. Whatever happens I still have great hope that one day some unique youth like Ehab and many others could make a change in our country because it is a very special place to my heart. I promise you my country to do my best to make a real change.

I will always love you, Egypt.

You will find above the Lyrics and if you want to download the song, Please visit(http://www.ehaab.net/songs.asp?Recording=1)

أنا مصرى
مسلم مسيحى أنا مصرى
فلاح صعيدى أنا مصرى
نوبى أو سيوى أنا مصرى
عند الضريح للأوليا ضويت شموعأنا مصرى
و ف الميلاد كان السبوع أنا مصرى
وربيعى جابه شم نسميى أنا مصرى
و مماتى كان للأربعينى أنا مصرى
لما الفرنسى والانجليزى والاسرائيلى جم بالاذيةما فرقوش
ولما نيلى جف ف نهار وخيره عليّا ما فرقهوشندرت ندرى
ولما جالى الخير فى يوم كنت ضاوي له شمعتينف مارى جرجس وسيدنا الحسين مانا مصرى

Reference:www.ehaab.net

Good Bye my "FRIEND"....

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

At a time when the rest of the world walked out of my life, I looked for you but I didnt find you...
At a time I needed you to feel me when I am not talking but I didnt find you...
At a time I needed you to listen without giving a harsh judgement but I didnt find you....
At a time I told you I miss you with all the meanings of friendship it could mean but you didnt understand..
At a time My tears almost fall down my eyes calling you back but you didnt see them...
At a time I begged your love but you couldnt figure it out...
At a time I reminded you of our memories, you remembered them but you didnt taste the meanings behind them.
At a time I gave you alot of excuses, but you were never back
At a time I decided to close my door, but you were busy to even realise it..

Today I am just telling you Good Bye my best FRIEND....But before that I want to thank you for all the moments we shared together.I want to thank you for your ex-trust in me.I want to thank you for our laughs.I want to thank you for being one day the air you breath.I want to thank you for our dreams, for our thoughts that we shared, for our support to each other.I want to thank you for the day we felt real friendship.Good Bye My best friend...I will really miss you but I have to leave as well..I have to cure my hurt..I have to be away for some time because the pain kills me..I am sorry sweety but it seems like this is the only way out.

I want to promise you that I will be there whenever you need me because simple as that if you stopped loving me as before your love is still moving very deep inside me.I want you to take good care of your new friend, fill her life as you used to fill mine..Trust her and dont forget to have strong love roots so as not to lose someone else again.It is hard believe me. Good Luck My friend...I leave you with peace!

(photoes reference: www.flickr.com)

A special Letter to myself

My dear Self,

well! it has been like years you didnt write something to yourself..Days ran so quickly alot of changes occured in your life..some stuff let you up to the sky and others let you down to earth. Sometimes you had a very strange status you dont know where you are or where you go you just stand still only watching.I know that there might be alot of good stuff you gained going throught the last period of your life however much more experiences made you step alittle back from this life, people, problems, opportunities and may be you stepped back from your ownself. I dont have some organized thoughts in mind to write but just felt like I wanna listen to my inner wisdom for sometime. I wanna see what I am trying to hide, I wanna face myself with who I am now, It is like I dont wanna look to the past either blame myself for not being that person as before or I wanna stop at my status and simply give up.. I wont give up infront of that mixture of fear, blame, self-critiscim or inother words a bunch of negative energy that I never had before in ma life. I am like "Nanis! wake up","come On!!"But at the same time the process stops suddenly for some strange ideas and thoughts of the past that pop up, may be hurts may be some accumulated anger from some special people may be it is missing some old memories or feelings may be it is surprise for how people change and act with millions of different faces. Is it true that some people who used to be your model turned to be that depressing to me just for their own benefit just for a position or how they "look like" infront of people though you have been one of the supporting people to them when they were down and in need for someone. Isnt it strange that those people could just be a reason for your depression and losing confidence instead of being the reason of your survival and getting back to life. I really learnt to slow down in life...Never Give my "Trust" to anybody even if he/she looked like an ideal perfect wonderful great So called Model.Never EVER to hate yourself always love it advice accept it because it deserves to be loved, Learn that mistakes arent there to let you in continuous blame with yourself but it is there to teach you more about this life and let you more experienced. Learn to love everybody but dont get so close so as not to be hurt. Learn that your uniqness is for no body except yourself.Learn to love life it has alot to give you..Learn to "ATTRACT" love, hope, joyeful and true people into your life.Learn that hurts that hurt you is nthing except a reminder of a new lesson you learnt.Learn to Stand up and say I can do it! Nothing will let me down and You will do it.

My Self, Simply I love you because you deserve to be loved..I pray for your self-Peace and Self-acceptance now and forever...


With Hope,love and peace,
Nanis