Why everything good in my life comes to an end?!

So Broken So Sad So Lonely...I am bleeding from inside...

BE GREEN!!!

Two days ago, some of the IIE students were having a TOT session which was very nice. One important part of it was training ourselves HOW TO LISTEN. 1 2 3 we started. My partner was a guy sitting beside me. He seemed like an "intellegent" guy. I told him you can start. He stoped for a while and then told me, "Look I am going to talk about something that really made a difference in my life", "Its being True in everything I do, say, feel and stop taking things for granted." Usually in those listening exercises we talk about so general things but it was the first time for my partner to open a topic that would stop me like that. Here it goes, he told me:

Since I was a very young kid till few years ago I took everything in my life for granted, stuff like when I ask why is that, nobody would give a convincing answer. They would simply say we are used to doing it he told me an example his mum told him since bla bla gave you a present you should give it back. He told me why on earth should I give someone something I dont really feel it, I dont feel like I wanna do that. It simply lost its meaning. We kept talking and talking till his very last sentence that echoes in my mind....." since then I learnt never to take things for granted or as "they are" but as how "True and valuable" they are"

This discussion striked alot of situations in my mind where people or even myself dont really feel what they do or what they say. It is really amazing to be a transperent and true person with all those around you and before that with YOURSELF.

Wearing different masks with people is something that could make you lose your identity.

Remember not everybody believes in that, Not evreybody is true with himself.This is the hardest part Not to lose your truth in the darkness!

Note: This picture reminds me so much with TRUTH.. That 's why I called that lesson BE Green!

FORGIVE ME!!

I know I am so much mistaken doing that but what you dont know is that I am hurt so much because I hurt you doing that. I know that you forgave me several times the 19 years I have lived on earth but believe it or not it has been all out of my hands. I never know why I do that or why I cant throw it behind. I know I made several promises that I will be the person you always wished to see me but I never fulfiled my promises. I know that I let you down several times, I even dont stop at one station but I go deeper and deeper. I just feel so miserable and lonely feeling you are disapointed and away from me because you are the reason for my existance, happiness and everything good that has ever happened to me on earth. You know, I just feel it when u go away for me, it hurts me even deeper when ur door is closed infront of me.Although u never did but I feel you telling me nanis please enough doing that. Believe me I love u so much, I just want to be with you so much. Father,I wanna stop everything that is annoying you. I tried alot ALot Alot but everytime there is something that pushes me there deeper. Help me! I beg you never give up your mercy and forgiveness. Never stop loving me.Never stop giving me chances. I will keep on trying and trying. Support me my dear jesus...

Good Night sweet father,

Nanis

Living the Truth!

Sometimes a person understands and believes a truth but he is too stubborn to live it.

I believe this was me alot of time in my life.

I believed so much that it is not worth to depend on people but I always did. As well I believed that Miracles would happen if God was your first person you go to and share with your life but I rarely did that.

Thank God, The previous period in my life made me understand this truth and now it is time to write about and share it with everyone because after living it I could tell you it IS REAL LOVE in my life. It is endless Love, it is someone that you could depend on and never let you down.It is God present in your life with all his GLory. You know God turned me from a Lonely, depressed and a weak person to someone who is very strong, loving, sparkling with hope, active and everything good you could imagine. I cant explain or describe how his love and peace could turn the heavy burdens in our hearts and lives. If you feel really you want him in your life never give up, talk to him, tell him I want you...come to my life..Dont ever feel he is not listening but you just say it from your heart. Say it out LOUD I want you. Go for him, visit him, cry out loud and ask for him in your life. A bit by bit you will feel his lovely spirit inside you.

Remember he loves you and wants you with him,

Dont ever GIVE UP!

Dear Jesus,

Our sweet, tender, loving and forgiving heart...words are never enough to explain your unbelievable love, your infinite care and sweet loving message you send to us everyday actually every moment in our lives. It is amazing the many chances you give to your kids. Your insistance that every one MUST be with you and between your arms gives warmth and faith for human beings even if we do the worest mistakes ever. You change blame and self critisizm into hope and belief for us to be better. We pray that you would always be in our lives..We pray for self peace and love.

with love,

Your Kids

Lesson 1: PRAY

Photoes reference: Not known

My REAL FRIENDS!

My real friends!! is something that I really miss feeling for quite a while.I dont care if its me the reason or anybody else but I just missed the presence of TRUE people in my life that love me really...I miss the love and care of a friend not the feeling that my attitudes and expressions are always watched and judged by my friends. I miss a friend who really feels me important to their lives, I miss a friend who would really tender and patient, I miss a friend who really understands me and stop judging my actions from behind and spreading my mistakes and failures, I miss a friend who feels deeply happy for my success and deeply sad for my loss, I miss a friend who appreciates my presence in their lives, I miss a friend who would make my happy, I miss a friend who wants my help, I miss a friend who could listen to me without giving judgements and blaming for my past mistakes, I miss a friend who simply gives me hope that I could do something, I miss a friend who pushes me forward, I miss a friend who is not jealous, I miss a friend who is so true even with himself, I miss a friend with one face not with hundreds of different faces, I miss a loyal friend, I miss a friend who knows that I am a senstive person and would respect my feelings, I miss a friend who NEVER changes through time, I miss a friend who bears me and my problems, I miss a friend who is not LYING, I miss a friend who is so supportive and tell you can do it, I miss a friend who I never get embaressed from, I miss a friend who would clear my tears and tell me "dont worry, everything is ust gonna be fine", I miss a friend who is not so harsh with me, I miss a friend who could say I am sorry, I miss a friend who loves me for who I AM, I miss a friend when he/she is upset with me would tell me, I miss a friend who would let me breath, I miss a friend who wouldnot always show something he/she doesnt feel, I finally MISS a friend whom I am Simply Myself with!!!

What I want to tell you that I found those people that complile all those lovely things that I miss.They just appeared at the right time of my life when I simply NEEDED a TRUE friend. I promise You I will value your presence in my life so much but as well please never LET me down.I am sure you will not! LOVE YOU!

Dedicated to My beloved Best Friends

Marina, Tony and Yousha

Unorganized thoughts about "Memories"...

A week ago I had a discussion with a woman I really love, we simply talked about ''memories''. It touched alot of things inside me I am trying to hide inorder not to feel that hard feeling inside of me especially when some special events wont be repeated again in my life.U just feel like I miss those days, I miss those people, I miss those lovely moments BUT I no more want them in my life or they no more fit with who I am now. Sometimes tears would really fall deeply not from my eyes but from my heart when I miss an old friend especially this friend was someone so like me. They fall when u remember how someone thought you are so close to him/her and appreciated u so much one day but it all went with the wind. The loss that Happened to me the last period of my life was extremly too much that I burst but after I am now "Me", I look to the many people I lost and the many opportunities I missed, It really hurts HOWEVER it never let me down.It gives me hope to use the coming period to just regain the past again.It is like nothing is impossible. Sometimes I think why I am not taking a real step forward towards some of those old people, some answers would pop up that generally I am a person who is not good at all in keeping in touch with others but much answers that simply I could no more trust them as before. It is like I feel we lost the trust that was exchanged between us. You know, out of my modest experience I learnt that I could Build bridges of trust very quickly, time strengthens it but if those brigdes were broken, the hardest thing is to rebuild them and if they were rebuild they could never be as before. I learnt that If Someone was really special I should take care of so much not by so much calling and so much hanging out but by making him/her feel they are special to your life. Real friends are diamonds, really diamonds never break them because you will feel a real loss.

Nanis I want you from now on to remember those memories, just smile and say:
''Thank you God for giving me the chance to have some lovely memories in my life like that...and If they were hard ones thank you for giving me the chance to learn and go through a unique experience like that as well!"